Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Thoughts - The Next Best Thing

Maybe it's a fault, maybe it's an asset, but whatever it, it's sometimes annoying.  I'm the type of person who is always thinking about the future - what's coming next.  I think, plan, think some more, plan some more, imagine, and impatiently wait for the next thing.  I've always thought that's just my personality, I'll always be like that.  But I think it's something more...

For my whole adult life, everything has been temporary.  I've moved about 14 times in the 8 years (possibly more, but I don't feel like counting right now).  Even though I was only moving a couple of blocks, I've had a "temporary" mindset.  I didn't purchase expensive things, I didn't bother to decorate, because I knew I would be packing up in 6 months to a year.

I wonder if I will ever lose that mindset, that yearning for the future, for what's coming next?  I think I will once we "settle" somewhere.  Once we have found the right job, the right apartment (or house), the right city.  Once we know we will stay for awhile.  And I don't think we've found it yet.

Maybe we will settle in Rio and live here forever, but I don't think we will do that now.  I don't think it is the right time.  So now I'm thinking about June, wondering what's coming next, trying to plan for the future, imagine all the possibilities, prepare as much as possible so we are not left with no plan or no way to execute it.

So now I'm stuck in the doldrums - knowing we won't be here forever, wondering if I should start thinking about the future, worrying about worrying too much, not wanting to put down "roots," and just feeling generally "blah."  Am I just really immature?  Or is this normal?  Maybe I only feel like I'm the doldrums because I woke up with a cold.  Maybe these feelings will clear up in a couple of days...

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